Thoughts from the North
a look at the world from a different angle, by Salamander

Malty, Hoppy, Happy, Floppy

Man was a hunter. Was he? Is says so in all the books. Good.

Then something happened...

Never mind that, we'll start with monkeys, shall we? They came down from the trees, but my latest research can reveal that they came down unwillingly... they fell.

Let's face it - who wouldn't want to monkey around all day?

Can there be a comparable existence to that of a monkey... no jobs, responsibilities or idiocies - like ambition - just leaping around in the laughter-filled trees till the fruits ferment... softlee softlee monkee happee.

I postulate that evolution was not survival of the fittest, but rather the weakest... it was the inebriate chimps that fell from the trees who developed into man... the sober, clean-living, carefree chimps remained so.

Man developed with an empty heart.

He wandered, lost from the trees and his hirsute brothers, and forgot.

Then something happened...

He gathered together hops and barley in vast fields, harvested his abilities, threw in yeast, sugar and water and built his life into a blissful ferment.

He developed agriculture and drank deeply of the results.

His heart was no longer empty.

Recently published notes by Darwin's sensible twin brother exposes the source of this primaeval joy to be a race memory of swinging through trees and laughing.

An inherent weakness in the gene pool led some ancestral chimp to partake of the forbidden fruit and fall from the tree - intoxicated ... and to stagger from the forest.

Over a long period of time the fallen monkeys progressed, leading to the world of continual distractions - like television, strange slender cloths which dangle from necks in worldwide sensibilities midst paper-shufflings and the opening and closing of briefcases.
Alien birdlike noises emit from small plastic boxes as people announce: "I am on the train".

To think of your life and all you consider valuable, 'tis strange - as Darwin's twin reveals - that mankind originated from a bunch of deranged ex-monkeys with a propensity for drink.

So raise your glass and think of the fall from the grace of the trees, the descent of monkey into man ... monkey tasted the fruit of the tree and devolution began.

Malty, hoppy, happy, floppy... civilisation... all THIS... The Story of Man.

Well... as bibulous ex-monkeys do tend... I think I'll have a little drink.

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